It sucks... It's like, we can't talk at all now because you have a bf. I get it, you're a faithful girl... which is something I admire about you... but it just sucks, like we can't even talk at all... about anything? about whatever... it just sucks... what else can I say?
Oh well. There's not much I can do to fix this.
Anyway, what else has been on my mind lately?
There are some things in life which one should just avoid at all costs. It's like those relationships people have where once things go past friendship, it can never return to its previous state. When friends have mutual feelings, and they both agree to a relationship, things will never ever be the same. It will always be awkward, even if things end well... or worse, the friendship ceases to exist after a bad breakup... But what if things ended up perfectly? As in a successful marriage with beautiful children? That's something I'm still waiting to see with my own eyes... and probably won't see for a long time.
Sometimes I feel like I struggle to keep away from the temptations of love. Once I start to develop feelings for someone, it's hard for me to NOT pursue those feelings or tell them about it... most of the time, it ends up with my heart being broken, and an awkward friendship afterward. Or even sometimes, it gets so awkward that we just can't be friends anymore.
I've already made up my mind that I don't wanna get married til at least the age of 28. But, what if, I end up falling for someone before then? Like even if I end up falling in love with someone in the coming year? It's entirely possible. What am I supposed to do? Follow my heart or follow my logic? We all know that love is irrational and many times illogical... What would I do?
Plus, there are days where I feel like I just want to be with someone... for whatever reason (companionship, the physical aspect, or just the feeling of being wanted/loved)... I mean, I want to focus on my studies and making a successful career for myself... and to me that means avoiding love and all of its temptations at all costs. But still, what if I just fall for a girl? I won't be able to help myself. I know myself too well to think that I can fall for a girl and not desire and pursue a romantic relationship. This is probably going to be the biggest obstacle that I will face in the next 5 years of life -- my quest to attain a higher education vs. my love of love. Of course, the win-win situation will be finding a woman who is just as passionate as I am for a higher education, and so our relationship will be 2nd priority to finishing graduate school.
One can only hope. One thing's for sure, time will definitely tell.
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